Grand Piano (the Movie, not the Instrument)

I told my brother about how much I didn’t like this movie, and afterwards he commented that my description had taken up more time than he wanted to spend on the film.  With that in mind I’m going to try to keep this brief.

Basically, here’s the math.

Phone Booth + Shine = Grand Piano

Olympus Has Fallen (My Brain Hurts!)

Everyone once in a while, you need to see a really stupid movie.

Well, maybe not, actually. It’s just that, if you’re going to give them a go, every once in a while you will see a really stupid movie. Sometimes you just can’t tell in advance.

But other times you can. I was pretty sure Olympus Has Fallen was going to be pretty stupid. And gruesome (based on its rating). I was right. But still, I watched it anyway. I can only blame myself.

A Good Day to Die Hard = Worse than you thought

There’s just no way around it.  A Good Day to Die Hard (aka Die Hard 5) is a bad movie.  But then, we knew that going in.  We knew it’d be filled with over-the-top, unbelievable, self-parodying action.  We knew it’d have a broad and simple plot and paper-thin characterizations, and probably would not make any internal sense.  I mean, we’d seen Live Free or Die Hard, and that was already a bad movie. 

Movies on a Plane: Step Up – Revolution

You could be forgiven for thinking while you are in the middle of it, that Step Up Revolution is the worst movie you’ve ever seen, but then you remember that you just watched Battleship immediately prior to this one, and…oh wait, I’ve been down this road before.

Movies on a Plane: Battleship!

It’s tempting, when you’re in the middle of it, to think that Battleship is the worst movie you’ve ever seen, but then you suddenly remember that you’ve also seen “G.I. Joe:  The Rise of Cobra,” “Elektra” and “Arlington Road”, and suddenly it’s not so clear cut.  Still, it easily has to win the award for the most tedious and irrelevant first half hour to an action film.  It’s a full 30+ minutes before there is any indication of armor-clad aliens bringing all their space guns to bear against the earth.