Every week in 2018, the plan is that my friend Rod is going to ask me some geeky question that will answer in a post. This week is Week #23, and for this extended, bonus-length edition of this series, we’re still dealing with the question from last week:
Pick the weirdest powered characters I can think of, rank / seed them and then pit them against each other in a tournament!
ROUND THREE
It’s Round Three of the weird-powered Superhero Tournament, featuring only applicants—successful and otherwise—of the Legion of Super-Heroes, DC Comic’s one-stop shopping location for superheroes with strange powers.
We are down to the Final Four! After last round’s upset, the final four consists of three former Legionnaires and one Substitute.
To read what this all about, click here.
For Round One of the Binder Conference, click here.
For Round One of the Plastino Conference, click here.
For Round Two of both conferences, click here.
For Round Three, we’re going to change the rules slightly. First of all, contests will now be decided on a best of 7 hits, rather than best of 5.
Secondly, a 7 will still result in a reroll, but one in which the odds will be made completely even—a 2-6 will favor one contestant, a 8-12 will favor the other, regardless of each character’s rankings. Confusing? Maybe, but just follow along and it will all make sense.
Finally, we’re still working with the initial list of environments for each battle, using ones that the combatants haven’t experienced before. But now, each environment is being transplanted…to space!
First up, the Binder Conference (after Otto Binder, the writer of the first ever Legion of Super-Heroes story)
Triplicate Girl
Super-triplicating
vs.
Matter-Eater Lad
Super-eating
Fighting in: A crazy macabre fun house from somebody’s childhood nightmare…in space!
The environment doesn’t really favor one character over another, so it’s just down to the rankings. Triplicate Girl has a 3 point lead over Matter-Eater Lad, which rounds to 4 and means that she wins on a 2-6 and 11, whilst Matter-Eater Lad wins on a 8-10 and 12.
So…ready, steady…fight!
The crazy, macabre fun house is built on the inside of a sphere, so Matter-Eater Lad and Triplicate Girl find themselves both looking up at the other. Triplicate Girl triplicates and starts making her way toward Matter-Eater Lad from three directions at once, while Matter-Eater Lad attempts to fly to cross the distance more quickly. However, the fun house has a bizarre “warp” effect which distorts space and distance, and Matter-Eater Lad finds himself flying back into the ground. He gives up that idea and prepares for a fist fight instead. Two of Triplicate Girl’s bodies arrive at the same time and easily outclass Matter-Eater Lad in hand-to-hand combat, knocking him for a loop.
Point: Triplicate Girl (Roll: 6)
The ground suddenly lurches, throwing Triplicate Girl off balance. Matter-Eater Lad begins to eat an escape tunnel through an anti-gravity jungle gym shaped like a space-pirate ship, and once he’s at what he thinks is a safe spot he prepares to fight again, turning to where he thinks Triplicate Girl is. But he fails to reckon on the exact location of the third of Triplicate Girl’s bodies, who anticipates his movements and dazes him with a karate chop to the neck.
Point: Triplicate Girl (Roll: 11)
As this is happening, the other two Triplicate Girls are approaching to aid their “sister”. Matter-Eater Lad, though, retaliates by eating the end of the mast of the space-pirate ship, which falls over toward the Triplicate Girl who is attacking him. To avoid injury she reintegrates with her other two bodies, leaving only one enemy for Matter-Eater Lad to face at the moment. He takes advantage of her need to quickly readjust to her singular position to punch her in the face!
Point: Matter-Eater Lad (Roll: 7; Reroll: 11—wow, my little change of rules made a difference!)
Triplicate Girl reels under Matter-Eater Lad’s blow, and he presses his advantage by hitting her several more times. Triplicate Girl attempts to triplicate again, but Matter-Eater Lad gets in a lucky hit, swinging the now loose mast—which isn’t very heavy in the anti-gravity jungle gym—and manages to hit all three triplicates at the same time!
Point: Matter-Eater Lad (Roll: 10)
This maneuver means that Matter-Eater Lad no longer has a good grip on the mast, and Triplicate Girl uses all three of her bodies to grab the mast and shove it back into him. Matter-Eater Lad is pushed backwards and smacks into the hull of the pirate ship. The girls pin him there with the mast, building the pressure!
Point: Triplicate Girl (Roll: 6)
But Matter-Eater Lad recovers and eats quickly away at the hull, so that it eventually snaps in two. With Triplicate Girl momentarily thrown off balance, he pushes himself off the pirate ship and lands outside of the anti-gravity jungle gym. Triplicate Girl turns toward him and prepares to follow, but Matter-Eater Lad quickly finds the controls for the anti-gravity jungle gym and turns the gravity back on! Triplicate Girl collapses to the ground in a heap.
Point: Matter-Eater Lad (Roll: 10)
Triplicate Girl reintegrates again, allowing her to more quickly recover herself and make a focused dash toward Matter-Eater Lad. Matter-Eater Lad scrounges about for a weapon, knowing that this next encounter will decide the victor. He doesn’t see a weapon, but instead spots the hall of mirrors, and quickly dashes in there. Triplicate Girl follows, and again triplicates in order to search out her opponent more quickly. But this proves to be a mistake, as being in three bodies in the hall of mirrors just makes it more confusing for her. Matter-Eater Lad, meanwhile, simply starts eating the mirrors, allowing him to more-or-less dig a tunnel straight through them until he runs into one of the confused Triplicate Girl’s, whom he surprises and knocks out with a solid punch to the jaw. Triplicate Girl attempts to reintegrate herself just before this happens, resulting in a singular Triplicate Girl who is only semi-conscious. Matter-Eater Lad is able to use this moment to put Triplicate Girl into a chokehold and secure victory!
Point: Matter-Eater Lad (Roll: 7; Reroll: 10)
Triplicate Girl is down! Winner: Matter-Eater Lad! (4-3)
Wow, another upset, albeit a minor one.
And now, the Plastino Conference (after Al Plastino, the artist of the first ever Legion of Super-Heroes story)
Dream Girl
Super-Dreaming
vs.
Color Kid
Super-coloring
Fighting in: A department store full of clothing and other wares…in space!
The environment again doesn’t really favor one character over the other. Dream Girl is probably quite familiar with department stores, given her characterization, which could work both for her (she’d know how to get around quickly) and against her (she might get distracted?). But Dream Girl has a strong 8 point lead over Color Kid, but Color Kid has the confidence boost of beating a more highly seeded opponent, so that means that Dream Girl wins on a 2-6 or a 10, while Color Kid wins on an 8, 9, 11 or 12. These are better odds than for Color Kid than he had against Bouncing Boy…can he pull off the surprise victory again?
So…ready, steady…fight!
Both Dream Girl and Color Kid show up by the shoe section of the department store, where there are lots of exotic footwear for any alien species. Color Kid crouches low, not sure exactly where Dream Girl is, and looks for a vantage point from which to spot her and strategize. Dream Girl, however, walks very casually and purposefully to a particular part of the footwear section, and leans casually against a wall waiting. It turns out that she’s in a spot that Color Kid never happens to look, but he attempts to climb up some shelves that are right nearby to look out for Dream Girl. Just when he is at his most precarious, Dream Girl gives the shelf a mighty shove, causing it to bump into Color Kid and make him lose his balance and come crashing down! It turns out that Dream Girl used her preparation time to dream what was going to happen, which is how she knew where to lay her trap for Color Kid.
Point: Dream Girl (Roll: 5)
But Color Kid is not going down without a fight! He launches himself up out of a pile of shoes using his anti-gravity belt, and hits Dream Girl in the chin with both fists! Dream Girl was so confident in herself that she was not prepared for this, but obviously she didn’t dream that far ahead!
Point: Color Kid (Roll: 9)
Next Color Kid tries his tried and true trick of mixing up the colors of everything around Dream Girl, in an attempt to distract and confuse her. But the Legionnaire still recovers herself and grabs a rocket-powered shopping trolley and sets it off in the direction of Color Kid. He dodges out of the way, but leaves himself wide open for vicious kick from Dream Girl right in the groin.
Point: Dream Girl (Roll: 4)
Color Kid quickly hops through the sporting goods section of the store and grabs a Moopsball bat from a shelf. He comes out swinging. Dream Girl is so surprised by the uncharacteristic nature of the attack that she has a hard time concentrating on her precognitive abilities, and ends up taking a bad blow to her shoulder and another one to the thigh. She doubles over in pain.
Point: Color Kid (Roll: 11)
Dream Girl eschews any fancy technique and simply charges Color Kid, tacking him at the gut. The two collapse to the ground, in a full on wrestling brawl. Even though Color Kid is male, he’s never been particularly big or strong, and Dream Girl’s superior training enables her to get him in a chokehold. Lying on the ground, she squeezes tight and Color Kid nearly passes out.
Point: Dream Girl (Roll: 4)
But Color Kid just won’t quit! He’s the plucky little Substitute Legionnaire who could! He manages to get in an elbow jab into Dream Girl’s side, and she lets go. Color Kid quickly rolls off of her and then knocks over a big canister of Braalian Magno Balls. He changes all their colors into a cacophony of hues, which succeeds this time in distracting Dream Girl. Then Color Kid is able to pick one of them up and throw it at her, hitting her in the chest!
Point: Color Kid (Roll: 9)
Dream Girl tries to regain her focus and use her powers to predict Color Kid’s actions. But Color Kid knows that he has a good thing going and he keeps throwing Magno Balls. Knowing that this is going to happen isn’t quite enough to give Dream Girl the edge. She’s just barely able to avoid being struck again. But Color Kid is running out of Magno Balls that are immediately at hand. He’s going to have to try something else, but what? That moment’s hesitation is all Dream Girl needs. She’s able to refocus her powers and tell that Color Kid is going to knock over a large mannequin wearing the latest fashions from Bgztl so that it will hit her. As a result, she easily dodges the attack. She does the same thing when Color Kid tries to hit her with some dishes, and with electronic goods. The Substitute Legionnaire has had a good run, but it comes to end here as Dream Girl gets close enough to knock him out with a series of three or four very well-placed martial art blows.
Point: Dream Girl (Roll: 7; Reroll: 4)
Color Kid is down! Winner: Dream Girl! (4-3)
Wow…that was two very close matches! And now we know who are Championship is going to be between:
Dream Girl (Plastino Conference)
vs.
Matter-Eater Lad (Binder Conference)
That’s the number two fighters from both conferences. Be here for it!
Blue Towel Productions 