Every week in 2018, the plan is that my friend Rod is going to ask me some geeky question that will answer in a post. This week is Week #23, and for this extended, bonus-length edition of this series, we’re still dealing with the question from last week:
Pick the weirdest powered characters I can think of, rank / seed them and then pit them against each other in a tournament!
And we’re back, to finish off the Weird-Powered Superhero Tournament Challenge to the Death…er, to the Submission!
Now, with Round Two to the end, there will be seven battles all together, so each one will be a different one of the environments that already been used. From the original 8, the Ski Slope will be eliminated from consideration because it was destroyed in an avalanche last time.
Also, for Round Two anyway, we won’t allow anyone to play in an environment that they are already familiar with.
So let’s begin the round with…The Binder Conference
Has two heads and fights well
Fighting on: An Indiana Jones style ancient temple with lots of deadly traps
The environment works against Triplicate Girl a bit, I think, because she’ll be more inhibited in the use of her triplicating powers because of the risk of traps, and so on. However, she also an 8 point ranking advantage over Double-Header, so this means that Triplicate Girl wins on a 2-6 or 10. Double-Header wins on a 8, 9, 11 or 12. 7, as always, is a reroll.
So ready, set…fight!
The players both find themselves teleported into the arena inside a tall stone tower over lava. Triplicate Girl is on a precarious bridge, while Double-Header is standing on a ledge that leads to corridor, ten meters above her. A loose stone lies near Double-Header and he grabs it and throws it down at Triplicate Girl. However, Triplicate Girl’s quick instincts notices what is happening, and she is able to avoid the stone, activating her flight ring and triplicating in the process. She begins to fly toward him, and so Double-Header retreats down the torch-lit corridor to look for a better position to defend himself. Triplicate Girl follows him with one of her bodies but sends the other two down similar corridors to try to catch him by surprise. Double-Header hides behind a raised dais and waits for an opportunity to ambush her, but activates a trap by mistake and is impaled by spikes from the wall which would have killed him if they weren’t actually holographic, yielding only holographic injuries (which still hurt). Point: Triplicate Girl (Roll: 5)
Double-Header pulls himself together after his injuries. One of Triplicate Girl’s bodies flies toward him and he braces himself for a fist fight, which of course is his big strength. However, he hasn’t realized that another Triplicate Girl’s bodies has snuck upon him from behind. Suddenly facing two enemies instead of one, Double-Header is not able to recover himself and goes down for the second time. Point: Triplicate Girl (Roll: 3)
Triplicate Girl’s third body catches up with him, and Double-Header knows he is in trouble. He attempts to take her off guard with a frontal attack, and for a moment it works: Triplicate Girl is set off-balance, and even takes a couple of blows. But she recovers quickly, and using the full strength of her tri-jitsu, she is able to deliver such a reign of blows upon Double-Header that he eventually goes down. Point: Triplicate Girl (Roll: 5)
Double-Header is down! Winner: Triplicate Girl! (3-0)
Fighting in: A Thick Jungle
I think the environment doesn’t strongly favor either hero. Matter-Eater Lad has a 7 point lead over Polecat—normally I’d round that up to 8 but because Polecat won the last round in an upset, I’m going to round down to 6 instead (due to Polecat’s boosted confidence). So that means that Matter-Eater Lad wins on a 2-6 or a 10, while Polecat wins on a 8, 9, 11 or 12.
So ready, set…fight!
The judges have decided to mix it up a bit this time by having Matter-Eater Lad and Polecat deposited right on top of each other—they both arrive within a square meter. This takes them both by surprise. Polecat attempts to use his powers right away to disable Matter-Eater Lad, but the Legionnaire is able to use his Flight Ring to take himself up and away far enough to be at a safe distance. No point awarded (Roll: 7)
Because of the thickness of the jungle, neither character can see the other one. Matter-Eater Lad quickly busies himself setting some traps—eating away partially at some tree branches so they’ll easily fall away when necessary. Polecat, meanwhile, simply wanders through the jungle emitting his foul odor, helping to catch his opponent off-guard. Unfortunately for him, Matter-Eater Lad’s more strategic approach proves more effective, and Polecat wanders into a trap and finds himself buried under a mound of branches and vines. Point: Matter-Eater Lad (Roll: 6)
However, as Matter-Eater Lad attempts to follow-up on his advantage, he becomes a victim of Polecat’s power, as the rejected applicant is using all his might to generate as much disabling smell as possible. Matter-Eater Lad is stunned, and Polecat is able to free himself from the trap and even to punch Matter-Eater Lad in the face! Point: Polecat (Roll: 9)
Matter-Eater Lad’s superior training comes into play and he is able to again get himself out of Polecat’s range. Polecat is now in a clearing, and Matter-Eater Lad hovers above it by a couple of meters. The two fighters stare at each other with a steely gaze, each snickering internally at the other because of the silliness of their powers. No point awarded (Roll: 7)
Suddenly, Matter-Eater Lad dive-bombs Polecat. Polecat attempts to use his powers to parry the oncoming attack, but he’s too slow, and he’s knocked over and winded by the flying blow. Point: Matter-Eater Lad (Roll: 6)
Polecat isn’t finished yet, though, as he suddenly regains enough strength to grab onto Matter-Eater Lad’s leg and cling with all his might. The Legionnaire tries to shake him off, but Polecat holds on with all his strength, generating his intense smell and even biting Matter-Eater Lad in the leg! Matter-Eater Lad cries out in pain, which causes him to take an even greater whiff of Polecat’s stench. Matter-Eater Lad is stunned, and it all comes down to the next moment in the battle. Point: Polecat (Roll: 9)
Except it doesn’t! Polecat finally is forced to let go of Matter-Eater Lad, and both characters retreat into the jungle to recover from their exertions. No point awarded (Roll: 7) (Hmm, I’ve just rolled, in succession, 7-6-9-7-6-9-7. If the next roll is a 6, then something strange is going on. Anyway…)
In the jungle, both Matter-Eater Lad and Polecat attempt to prepare themselves for the final bout of this round. Matter-Eater Lad finds a large supply of Kono Berries, and begins to eat them, hoping that the sickly sweet taste will help to overpower Polecat’s pungent attack. Polecat, meanwhile, finds a stick which he attempts to sharpen, in the hopes of using it as a weapon. No point awarded (Roll: 7)
After both characters are prepared, they both attempt the strategy of lying in wait for their enemy. As a result, they don’t run into each other, so nothing happens. No point awarded (Roll: 7)
They both give up on that strategy, and decide to go looking for their foe. Polecat sees Matter-Eater Lad first. Emitting his smell, he leaps through the vines at a foe that he assumes will be at least partially stunned. Unfortunately for him, Matter-Eater Lad’s gambit with the Kono Berries has been successful, and the smell doesn’t effect him as much as it would have. He is able to fend off Polecat’s clumsy attack with the pointed stick (by eating it), and shoves a handful of the berries into Polecat’s face instead. He grabs Polecat in a headlock, and is able to choke him into submission. Point: Matter-Eater Lad (Roll: 6—it was a 6, eventually. Suspicious?)
Polecat is down! Winner: Matter-Eater Lad! (3-2)
Phew! That was a close one. Poor Polecat, I was really hoping for some more upsets here.
Anyway, time to conclude this round with…the Plastino Conference
Changes colors of things…without paint!
Fighting in: A big warehouse with lots of boxes, shelves, fork-lifts, and so on.
This environment might be one that Bouncing Boy could work well with, if he can time his ricochets well. On the other hand, the more cluttered the location, the more confusing Color Kid’s powers could make things, so I’m going to call it an even split here. However, Bouncing Boy has a 9 point lead on Color Kid, which means he wins the round on a 2-6 or 8, whereas Color Kid only wins on a 9-12, so it’s going to be tough for him.
So ready, set…fight!
The game begins with Color Kid standing on top of a large crate, and Bouncing Boy below him on the floor. As luck would have it, Color Kid is facing the wrong way, and Bouncing Boy spots him first. He leaps forward using his flight ring, inflates, and smashes into the box that Color Kid is standing upon, knocking him awkwardly to the ground. Point: Bouncing Boy (Roll: 5)
Color Kid is quick to respond. As Bouncing Boy is bouncing toward him, he suddenly gets confused by the confetti-like rainbow of colors that the warehouse turns into. He ends up bouncing into a wall and then into some fork lifts, and finally deflating in order to get his bearings. Color Kid takes the opportunity to leap over some boxes (thanks to his anti-gravity belt) and kick Bouncing Boy in the head. Point: Color Kid (Roll: 11)
Color Kid does what he can to capitalize on his advantage. He finds a crate of bits of packing foam, and puts his anti-gravity belt around it, sending the box into the air and raining foam on Bouncing Boy. At the same time, he changes the color of the foam to a generic blue, further confusing Bouncing Boy’s sight. Reaching into the crate where he found the foam, Color Kid finds a large brass candlestick. He wields it as a club and charges Bouncing Boy, hitting him across the head. Point: Color Kid (Roll: 9)
Bouncing Boy is stunned but not out, and he quickly inflates his body, even if he can’t see properly yet. This knocks Color Kid off balance, and Bouncing Boy is able to push into him, crushing him against a pile of palettes, disabling Color Kid. Point: Bouncing Boy (Roll: 4)
But, unbelievably, Color Kid keeps fighting! He is still holding the candlestick, which he begins to swing wildly, until he lucks out by connecting with Bouncing Boy again in the side of his head. Bouncing Boy, already stunned, deflates, and Color Kid does not let him recover. He hits him over and over again, not seriously injuring the Legionnaire, but securing a victory for the Substitute! Point: Color Kid (Roll: 10)
Bouncing Boy is down! Winner: Color Kid! (3-2)
Wow! What an upset! The top-seeded Bouncing Boy is now out of the championship, having been bested by Color Kid, who was ranked #4!
Fighting in: An ocean beach with lots of waves
The environment doesn’t do a lot to favor either Dream Girl or Arm-Fall-Off Boy. Dream Girl outranks Arm-Fall-Off-Boy by 6 points, which means that she wins on a 2-6 or a 10. Arm-Fall-Off Boy wins on an 8, 9, 11 or 12.
So ready, set…fight!
The two characters are teleported to the arena right next to each other, but back to back. However, Dream Girl’s precognition (which is of some limited use even if she’s not dreaming, depending on the writers) has already learned that this is going to happen. She quickly pivots and using her martial arts training, throws Arm-Fall-Off Boy over her shoulder and onto the ground, before he even knows what’s happening. He isn’t too injured, since he lands on soft sand, but she follows it up with a boot-heel to the face, scoring the first point. Point: Dream Girl (Roll: 10)
Dream Girl attempts to fly out of Arm-Fall-Off Boy’s reach using her Flight Ring, but somehow the odd sand of this beach (which is on an alien planet, naturally) has gotten into the ring and is interfering with its properties. She’s caught off guard by this (and annoyed that her powers didn’t realize this was going to happen). Arm-Fall-Off Boy takes the opportunity presented by this to detach his arm and land a mighty blow on Dream Girl’s side! Point: Arm-Fall-Off Boy (Roll: 9)
Knowing that she could be bested in straight hand-to-hand combat by the fearsome might of Arm-Fall-Off Boy, Dream Girl stretches her precognition to the max, anticipating each of her enemy’s moves. As a result, she is able to dodge each of his subsequent blows and lead him into an awkward position when a big wave comes. Knowing it is about to hit, Dream Girl is able to dive into it (her costume is essentially a one-piece bathing suit, after all) while Arm-Fall-Off Boy is taken by surprise and knocked over, losing grip of his loose arm in the process. Dream Girl is then able to get on his back and keep his face under the water. With only one arm available to use, Arm-Fall-Off Boy struggles to defend himself and takes several mouthfuls of the salty fluid. Point: Dream Girl (Roll: 6)
Arm-Fall-Off Boy eventually manages to push Dream Girl off of him, and emerges from the water, sputtering and furious. However, Dream Girl has since been able to find a weapon…Arm-Fall-Off Boy’s arm! She uses both of her own arms to wield the limb as a mighty club, spinning in water and delivering a powerful blow to the side of Arm-Fall-Off Boy’s head, knocking him unconscious! Point: Dream Girl (Roll: 3)
Arm-Fall-Off Boy is down! Winner: Dream Girl! (3-1)
And that’s it for Round Two. All four battles are completed, and once again there was just one upset amongst them, with Color Kid’s shocking victory over Bouncing Boy.
This brings us to our Final Four which we’ll be pitting against each other next time:
Triplicate Girl vs. Matter-Eater Lad
Dream Girl vs. Color Kid
I love it that we don’t have only Legionnaires in the Final Four!