Every week in 2018, the plan is that my friend Rod is going to ask me some geeky question that will answer in a post. This week is Week #23, and for this extended, bonus-length edition of this series, we’re still dealing with the question from last week:
Pick the weirdest powered characters I can think of, rank / seed them and then pit them against each other in a tournament!
So, we’re still in Round 1 of the Tournament, but now visiting the bouts that are taking place in the Plastino Conference. You can click here to read what happened in Round 1 of the Binder Conference, and here to find out what is going on here overall.
So let’s get onto the fighting!
Bouncing Boy
Inflates and bounces
vs.
Unnamed Camera-Eye Kid
Projects any image he has seen
Fighting in: A department store full of clothing and other wares
I’m actually going to say that the environment here dis-favors Bouncing Boy, as the clutter of a department store—full of lots of loose things and not too many internal hard walls—is not helpful for him with his bouncing powers. Still, Bouncing Boy has a huge spread victory over Unnamed Camera-Eye Kid in terms of the ranking scores, 14 points in total (our largest spread for this whole tournament). The environment counts as one point against Bouncing Boy, which means he wins on every roll except for a 9, 10 or 12 (or 7, of course, which is a re-roll).
So ready, set…fight!
Bouncing Boy and Unnamed Camera-Eye Kid (from now on, known as UCE Kid, for convenience) enter the department store from opposite sides, and slowly attempt to locate each other. Bouncing Boy uses the obvious advantage of his flight ring to get a better vantage point to spot his enemy, and eventually does. UCE Kid is lurking around the toy section, so Bouncing Boy quickly flies over to him, inflates and hits some of the shelves nearby. The shelves tip over and UCE Kid is caught completely off guard and knocked to the ground. Point: Bouncing Boy (Roll: 3)
UCE Kid extricates himself from the fallen shelves and attempts to distract Bouncing Boy by projecting an image of a bright explosion that he’d witnessed previously into Bouncing Boy’s face. The bright light annoys Bouncing Boy, but not enough to stun him. Instead, Bouncing Boy picks up a basketball (something he has affinity for) and hurtles it at UCE Kid (who is distracted by his own projection) and knocks him in the head, stunning him. Point: Bouncing Boy (Roll: 8)
UCE Kid attempts to get away to put into plan some clever ideas he had to get a victory, in particular projecting an image of Triplicate Girl (Bouncing Boy’s lady love) against a wall and tricking Bouncing Boy into thinking she was there talking to him, but Bouncing Boy doesn’t give him the opportunity. He inflates again and bounces straight at him, knocking him out completely. Point: Bouncing Boy (Roll: 8)
Unnamed Camera-Eye Kid is down! Winner: Bouncing Boy! (3-0)
Wow, I keep hoping for more of an upset, but oh well.
Color Kid
Color changing
vs.
Ronn Kar
Self-flattening
Fighting in: A crazy macabre fun house from somebody’s childhood nightmare
Both characters could potentially use this environment to their advantage. Color Kid could create a lot of confusion in navigating around it with his powers, while Ronn Kar could very possibly hide out or set an ambush, that sort of thing. Furthermore, the two characters have exactly the same scores in the initial rankings, so it’s an even match: Color Kid wins on a 2-6, Ronn Kar wins on a 8-12.
So ready, set…fight!
Both characters appear in different parts of the fun house. Color Kid finds himself in a hallway of mirrors, while Ronn Kar is going through a corridor full of fake cobwebs and an animatronic ghost. Ronn Kar gives a startled yelp when the animatronic ghost appears, helping Color Kid to know his position. Color Kid uses his powers to turn everything around Ronn Kar purple, which confuses the villain, allowing Color Kid to put him in a chokehold. Point: Color Kid (Roll: 4)
Color Kid has caught Ronn Karr off-guard enough that Ronn Kar is not able to use his powers to get away. The two wrestle and twist around through the cobwebs and eventually push into a giant ball-pit. Color Kid is able to twist around as he is falling so that Ronn Kar takes the brunt of the impact! Point: Color Kid (Roll: 5)
Ronn Kar finally recovers his wits and flattens himself, which allows him to slip out of Color Kid’s grip while even slicing his arms with his nearly two dimensional body. Color Kid, injured, retreats, but Ronn Kar is onto him, shoving the Substitute Legionnaire’s head down, attempting to drown him in the ball pit. Point: Ronn Kar (Roll: 8)
Of course, you can’t actually drown somebody in a ball pit, and Color Kid is eventually able to draw upon all his reserves of strength and push Ronn Kar off of him. Ronn Kar flattens himself again but Color Kid simply punches him in the gut and then again square in the face, knocking Ronn Kar out. Point: Color Kid. (Roll: 6)
Ronn Kar is down! Winner: Color Kid (3-1)
Arm-Fall-Off Boy
Detaches arms
vs.
Lester Spiffany
Rich & privileged
Fighting in: A big warehouse with lots of boxes, shelves, fork-lifts, and so on
The environment doesn’t give either player a particular advantage, but Arm-Fall-Off Boy is four points ahead in the initial scorings, so he wins on a 2-6 or 11, while Lester pulls off a victory if the roll is 8-10 or 12.
So ready, set…fight!
The two combatants are on opposite ends of the warehouse, but they can easily see each other when they arrive. Arm-Fall-Off Boy yells out a fearsome war cry as he sees his enemy, and rips off his arm in a gruesome display, wielding it as weapon. Lester Spiffany seems hopelessly outclassed, but surprises everyone with some impressive parkour skills, hopping from one pile of crates to another to clear the distance between him and his opponent (and impressing the watching crowd in the process). Using his elevation to his advantage, he kicks a crate of ball bearings to the ground, so they spill everywhere around Arm-Fall-Off Boy, who slips to the floor, drops his arm and hits his head. Point: Lester Spiffany (Roll: 10)
Lester Spiffany attempts to press his advantage by grabbing a conveniently shaped crowbar from atop the pile of crates he is on, and jumping down toward the still dazed Arm-Fall-Off Boy, ready to strike. It is obvious to everyone that he has used his great wealth to get the best training for this event that his money could buy. However, Arm-Fall-Off Boy recovers faster than expected, and picks up his arm and parries Lester Spiffany’s blow. Arm-Fall-Off Boy proves he is not just a one-trick pony and lashes out with his foot, kicking Lester Spiffany in the gut and knocking him back. Point: Arm-Fall-Off Boy (Roll: 6)
Lester is dazed, but recovers quickly—his rich-boy training has served him well. He pulls a set of keys out of his pocket and runs for a forklift and runs for it, aiming to use it as a weapon, but Arm-Fall-Off Boy is too fast. He throws his arm at Lester. It lands at his feet and he stumbles over it, hitting his head on a crate. Point: Arm-Fall-Off Boy (Roll: 4)
Desperate, Lester Spiffany now pulls a gun out of his pocket. This seems to be a violation of rules since Lester would not normally carry a gun, but it transpires that he has bribed some officials to allow him to smuggle in a weapon and to prepare his environment in advance (as well as to choose it to be of maximum advantage for his parkour training). The judges scramble to decide whether or not they should give Lester a commendation for original thinking, but it turns out to be for nothing as he fumbles in the use of his weapon, and Arm-Fall-Off Boy is able to get close enough to him to pick up his arm and give Lester a mighty wallop with it. Point: Arm-Fall-Off Boy (Roll: 5)
Lester Spiffany is down! Winner: Arm-Fall-Off Boy (3-1)
Dream Girl
Precognitive dreams
vs.
Eye-ful Ethel
Extra eyes all over head
Fighting in: A ski slope where it’s snowing heavily
This environment has got to work against Eye-ful Ethel, as presumably visibility is limited. Also, it’s cold, which Dream Girl is protected against by a trans-suit, but Ethel is not. (The Transuit is a light weight, transparent garment which is part of standard issue Legion-wear, which protects its user from the vacuum of space…so a snowstorm is no problem). Further more, Dream Girl has 12 point lead in the initial scorings, which means that it’s very uneven odds: Dream Girl wins on a 2-6, 8, 11 or 12, while Eye-ful Ethel wins on a 9 or a 10..
So ready, set…fight!
Both fighters were not expecting to find themselves in the snow, but while Dream Girl’s transuit protects her, Ethel is left shivering. Ethel is near the top of the hill, while Dream Girl the bottom. Dream Girl quickly purposely faints, allowing her to dream of what is going to happen. In her dream, she sees a giant avalanche, barreling down on her and Ethel, overwhelming them. She awakens, concerned that she has prophesied their deaths. Ethel, meanwhile, is looking for Dream Girl and managed to hitch a ride on the ski-slope back down the mountain, using her eyes to try to scan for her enemy while she is elevated. She catches a glimpse of Dream Girl flying to the summit (where she has reasoned she’ll find the safest place to be in an avalanche), but Ethel has to wait until the chair arrives at the bottom before she can actually do anything else. No Point Awarded. (Roll: 7)
Once she has reached the bottom, Eye-ful Ethel arms herself with a handful of ski poles, hoping to use them as a weapon. She gets back on the chair lift, and begins to ascend back up the mountain. Dream Girl, meanwhile, slips into a small lodge that’s on the top of the ski slope and orders a steaming hot cup of space-cocoa, and starts chatting to a cute guy that she meets there. No Point Awarded. (Roll: 7)
Ethel arrives at the top, but has failed to spot where Dream Girl is (since she’s inside). Dream Girl, meanwhile, gets bored with her conversation and sends the cute guy away, and lies down on a sofa in front a fireplace with another cup of space-cocoa, for another nap. The judges, at this point, get concerned that there’s no time limit in these battles. No Point Awarded. (Roll: 7)
Some of the locals get excited when they realize that famous Legionnaire Dream Girl is there amongst them, and more and more fans begin to gather. Eye-ful Ethel finally figures out where Dream Girl is, and attempts to sneak up on her enemy while she is sleeping. However, Dream Girl has just had another dream, this time revealing that Ethel is sneaking up on her. She dodges Ethel’s attack (with a ski pole) at the last second and easily stuns her enemy with her martial arts training. The judges, meanwhile, begin to wonder how all these civilians got into their battle arena. Point: Dream Girl (Roll: 6)
Ethel is injured and on the ground, face down next to the fireplace. Confidently, Dream Girl approaches her, fairly certain of her overall superiority in this contest. She attempts to warn Ethel of the danger she saw in her first dream. However, she is too confident, as Eye-ful Ethel can still see her with the eyes in the back of her head, and when Dream Girl comes close enough she spins around and smacks her in the head with Dream Girl’s cup of cocoa, scratching her face and stunning her. The locals on the ski slope get so excited that Dream Girl is fighting a villain (they assume) in their ski lodge, that they begin to publicize the event. Point: Eye-ful Ethel (Roll: 9)
Dream Girl recovers, and vows not to let herself be caught off guard again. However, Ethel has found a gun somewhere. She reveals it was given to her by the cute guy that Dream Girl was talking to earlier. Dream Girl doesn’t know what’s going on but to distract Ethel she puts her flight ring into a chair and sends it through a window. This causes the increasing snow storm to blow into lodge and distract Ethel, allowing Dream Girl to disarm her. Meanwhile, the judges’ efforts to remove the intrusive civilians are ignored. The judges become frustrated, go and open up a special cupboard where they keep their weapons, and declare “Fine, we’ll do it ourselves.” Point: Dream Girl (Roll: 12)
Knowing that something strange is going on and that they have to get out of there, Dream Girl recovers her Flight Ring, ties up Eye-ful Ethel, and begins to take her down the mountain on an emergency stretcher sled she’s found (because she’s not strong enough to carry her). Meanwhile, the judges enter the arena and begin to usher people out, only to be stopped by the cute guy that Dream Girl spoke to earlier. He turns out to be one of the engineers who helped construct this environment. He’s secretly been in love with Dream Girl and rigged the results so she’d end up fighting here, so he could flirt with her in the ski lodge. He also filled the place with real guests so that it would all seem more natural. When she rebuffed him, he decided that if he couldn’t have her, nobody could, so he gave Ethel the gun. Now that that’s failed, he’s vowed to set off his backup trap, which is to cause an avalanche that will destroy the slope. No Point Awarded. (Roll: 7)
On the way own, Ethel’s sled hits a mogul and she is knocked off, her bonds broken. She dashes into the woods, but Dream Girl doesn’t follow. She realizes that this avalanche is coming imminently, and that she has to warn people to get off the slopes! She flies full speed to the bottom of the hill, and manages to locate the internal controls for the teleportation devices that bring people into the combat arenas. She uses her quite brilliant scientific mind to reprogram the system to take every civilian out of harm’s way. However, Ethel manages to track her to this location, and to sneak up behind her while she is focused on this work, and hit her with a snowboard! Meanwhile, the cute guy is detained and knocked unconscious by the judges, it turns out he has a dead man’s switch that sets off the avalanche. Point: Eye-ful Ethel (Roll: 10)
The avalanche is underway, and Dream Girl and Eye-ful Ethel continue to wrestle with each other, their fight eventually taking them back to the bottom of the ski slope. The avalanche is barreling down toward them, and Dream Girl continues to try to warn Ethel of her dream, but Ethel is so incensed and enraged that she won’t listen. Finally, Dream Girl knocks Ethel out with a blow to the back of the neck. The avalanche is about to get them both, but Dream Girl manages to activate one last automatic command in the teleportation system and bring them both to safety!
But wait, what about Dream Girl’s dream that they were both going to be overwhelmed by the avalanche? Well, it turns out, it did come true, but not in the way she thought! See, it wasn’t the real Dream Girl and Eye-ful Ethel that were blanketed in the raging snow, but rather two life-sized cardboard cutouts, which the local folk had erected as part of the celebrations of a fight going on between a Legionnaire and her enemy happening right at their ski-slope. That’s what Dream Girls dream really saw! Point: Dream Girl (Roll: 6)
Eye-ful Ethel is down! Winner: Dream Girl! (3-2)
Phew! That was a close one!
And that’s it. The initial eight battles are complete, with only one upset amongst them (Polecat over Stone Boy), bringing us down to eight players remaining. Here are the upcoming matches:
Binder Conference:
Triplicate Girl vs. Double Header
Polecat vs. Matter-Eater Lad
Plastino Conference
Bouncing Boy vs. Color Kid
Arm-Fall-Off Boy vs. Dream Girl
We’ll push all this forward next time!
Blue Towel Productions 